i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
