I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
