we have pet lesbian snakes
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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