im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
