I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
