Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize