ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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