dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
