she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
