Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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