My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
