I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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