Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
