If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
