I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I still have a little drunk in my system
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
