There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
