Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
