I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
