do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
