And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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