i would punch a child for taco bell
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
