Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
