He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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