Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
