Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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