So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
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And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
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I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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