Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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