I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
