he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
