he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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