Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
