hotel room ftw
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
