I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
