i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
