I think I won the penis lottery.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
