You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
