So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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