Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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