i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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