i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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