Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
