Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
