Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
