It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
