Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
