i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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