I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
