that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
