u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
