Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
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