Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
