She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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