atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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