sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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