i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i need an iv and a liver transplant
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
