my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
People in love make me want to vomit
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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