Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
