You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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