I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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