I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
