I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
my god I love twenty year old dicks
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
