Pants 0. Shit 1.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
