the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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