WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize