so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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