I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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