i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
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I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
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Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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