I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
