in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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