I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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