guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I checked into jail on foursquare
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
