I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Randomize