I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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