Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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