i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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