Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
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