She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
