she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
