I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
is wine microwaveable?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
