none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
