Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
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And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
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I need to sanitize my soul.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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