she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
