the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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