New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
