so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
