dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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