sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I am puke
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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