Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
