Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
